A while back my friend hacked my Tumblr and replaced all the pictures with Nicolas Cage. I didn’t notice anything wrong at first because it was Tumblr and for some reason it’s always got the Cage on it.
Punk Shakespeare played by hottie hot Rupert Graves :3c
I call him Punk Shakespeare because he has this one punk earring on for some reason or another.
Okay time to start this film my friends!
So punk Shakespeare is in London and is told that his kid is dying. Rushes home to his ornery wife and sick son. Talks to the best character ever about poultice’s.
He was totally not Tom Hiddleston by the way. Son dies and he leaves for London soon after.
Shows a play of his to the Queen? I’m not even sure if it was the Queen, though I’m pretty sure she was the lady who played the teacher who taught the broom lessons in the first Harry Potter movie. Anyway her totally homo son waltz’s in and has creepy eye-sex with punk Shakespeare. Then Shakespeare processed to write something about the homo kid that gave him an awkward pedo boner I’m sure. After that, Esmeralda or whatever showed up so punk Shakespeare could forget about his screeching harpy wife.
They stare at each other for the longest time while this weird music plays in the back ground. She then says to him “Bonjour monsieur” they laugh, then they screw each others brains out. Kind of an awkward scene. On the upside I got to see Rupert butt :”>c
There’s a performance of one of his plays in which a bunch of creepy looking people are watching. Shakespeare shows up during it because someone told him the homo prince kid was there. So he went to the play to check the kid out, so not weird in any way, shape, or form. Except the kid now has a douchey looking goatee.
He then makes sure his extremely ugly hair looks good so that he can totally impress the prince kid. UGH, his hair is so gross looking. Like seriously.
They then got wasted and then he pees next to some kids.
Has a long boring chat with Esmeralda.
Punk Shakespeare could not be checking out that homo prince kid any harder, seriously. It’s almost shameful.
Ew, gross! I think Esmeralda just peed into a spittoon. That is not what those are for!
I don’t really know what’s going on now, nor do I really care anymore. Ugh, I still have like half the movie left to watch. I guess I shouldn’t expect much though, it’s a TV movie. At least I think it is.
Punkspeare and prince kid are having a nice picnic together, how sweet. Except Punkspeare is watching the guy sleep, that’s a tad creepy.
Oh I just noticed that Shakespeare is now sporting a pretty pearl earring. Now he’s classy.
More boring chats I don’t care about. So much of it! I don’t care!
I’m glad Rupert is so pretty, it makes watching this movie so much more bearable.
The plague hit them, that sucks.
Some other crap has been going on but it really isn’t that interesting.
He found some nasty blisters on his man boobs.
OH! Tommy is totally checking out Rupert’s man boobs. This scene makes the rest of the movie so worth suffering through. Any scene with two hottie hot English actors is so worth seeing even if the rest of the movie sucks. <3
I can hear him swallowing, it’s grossing me out a bit. He does it so loudly, I don’t understand.
Also it looks like he’s wearing a bear cape thing. Very posh.
Punkspeare just kissed doctor
Hiddleston’s John’s hand. Perfection.
Now he’s creeping on his wife by staring at her through her window.
He’s going to take a weird mercury bath so he can cure himself of his illness, pretty sure that will do the opposite but whatever.
Shakespeare sure gets down and freaky a lot in this movie.
I’m confused, I think that Shakespeare and the prince kid both have the hots for Esmeralda. Maybe, I can’t tell for sure however. I don’t know what’s going on half of the time though.
People are watching another one of Shakespeare’s plays. In fact it looks exactly like a scene earlier. It even had like all of the same people watching and they were all standing in the same places as before.
Gross, his gums are all nasty and black now. Probably from being stupid and taking a mercury bath. Not a very smart idea.
He’s also very old looking. He grayed fast.
Going back home to where ever. I wasn’t listening to what his home town was. It’s not really important anyway.
Finally! What a waste of my time.
Well I’m sure some people like the movie well enough, it’s just not something I particularly liked. So no offence to anyone who does like this movie.
Metropolis was a great movie.
Though that might just be my oldie movie lover voice talking.
Also totally traced the lettering.
I got a Twitter, not that anyone cares, but if you do drop by some time and check it out.